I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize