just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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