He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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