Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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