ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Houston, we have a squirter
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Randomize