The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
