Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize