I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
