There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
