you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
