If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dick very happy bro
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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