I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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