Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
