last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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