I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
