What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
