I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize