I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
