she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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