we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
