Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize