Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
