i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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