just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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