Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize