New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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