im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i drank out of a bidet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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