At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
