Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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