he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
