its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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