remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
