It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
