Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
