What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
