I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
