then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
