Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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