dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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