I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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