Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize