Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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