I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
