Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
