Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
