Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
