i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
