no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
