He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
