I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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