sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
