apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
