i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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