GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
