tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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