I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
