I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
