I can tuck mytits in my pants
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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