Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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