I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
soo... how was my night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
