Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
