Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
