Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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