She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize