I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
