Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
