I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
