I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
