You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
