He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
