Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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