someone threw a dead crab at me
Soap is not a condiment
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
